Saturday, April 01, 2006

Jamba Junkie.

Even as I handed him the styrofoam cup the first time, a voice in my head (the sanctimonious mommy voice - let's call her Donna) cried out - "Don't do it, think about all that sugar!" But, at that point, I was very interested in trying out new foods with the monkey. Never one to push form over substance, I figured jamba juice was basically a fruit smoothie. Maybe not fruit in the raw...or pureed fruit...or lovingly poached fruit made by all the award winning mommies out there. But heck, it was fruit-like. That had to count for something.

Naturally, monkey loved it. What's not to love about a $4.00 glass of sugar and fruity crack juice?

Fast forward to today's Whole Foods shopping trip. Monkey's eyes widen as we pass the Jamba Juice counter, and he begins reaching towards the shady looking dealers behind the bar.


I look down at him, frantically writhing in the shopping cart. Err..ok..let's "Go!"

10 minutes later, he already has the straw unwrapped and is sitting there twitching in anticipation. He watches me as I insert straw into cup and take a sip. I hand him the juice and he crams the straw down his gullet and begins sucking furiously. This continues as we head back to the car.

Thinking that it would be hazardous to leave the juice and straw with him in the car seat, I took it away for the ride home. Disaster. Screaming. The sounds of a heroin addict experiencing withdrawal. I handed him a sippy cup with some formula, and he grabbed it, much like a heroin addict accepting a methadone substitute. Not as good as the real thing, but hell, it will have to do.

Later, as I prepared monkey's bath, I put him in his crib for safe containment. His sugar high was at peak levels. Running from one end of the crib to the other, laughing hysterically, and babbling incoherent sounds - I watched him, amazed to witness a sugar high in the flesh. But for the walls of his cage/crib, there was no stopping him. His eyes glittered and his face cracked with a jamba induced grin. He collapsed, hugged himself, and rolled back and forth laughing like a loon.

Next time, I'll try it with the boost.

Like a crack head sucking on his pipe, the monkey inhales his jamba.

I swear, I'm going to kick tomorrow.

Don't even think about taking my jamba, bee-yotch.
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