We had clinic, which I hate. But today, we made it through the morning. Today, the little guy cried a lot when they took five vials of blood from his arm. But, he also said, "thank you," as we left the room. He also smiled and ate chocolate teddy grahams and drank milk from his cup. He raced up and down the hallways of the hospital and counted the fish in the pictures that lined the wall. He hated the echocardiogram and EKG, but he liked the parachute that was painted in the room, and I heard him say, "I love you mommy," for the first time ever.
Today, I felt like crying when they ripped the cathode stickers off his chest. But then I remembered, that when we take our little guy home, he will be all smiles again. And then I remembered how very lucky we are that we get to take him home at all. And then I felt grateful.
I hated leaving my baby girl at home. I hated feeling torn between caring for one child who needed me, and another who needed me too. I hated the feeling of missing her soft weighted body in my arms. And then I remembered how lucky I was that she would be home when I returned. And I felt grateful that she was cared for while I was gone.
In the waiting room, I saw magazines with pretty pictures of perfect children and beautiful clothes, toys and houses. And I paused for a minute to think about how wonderful my family is. And I felt grateful. We have each other. And today wasn't that bad after all.
ps. And I'm really grateful that they are both napping AT THE SAME TIME right now!!