Little Monkey and Friends

We made the trek over the big, big bridge this morning for a heart clinic visit at Columbia. It's not easy. It's not pleasant. But as time goes by, it becomes more manageable.

This web blog began almost two years ago. It was an offshoot of Jeff's original yahoo website, which he set up while I was still pregnant with Jordan. His intention was that the site would be a way of keeping family and friends informed about the baby. The baby..

Since that time, I've learned that this site has actually been a source of reference to some families who have found themselves in similar circumstances. I never imagined that would happen. I'm always in awe when I get an email from someone who stumbled here and learned that they were not alone.

This is what I have to say to those select individuals, and they know who they are.

It is never easy. But it does become more manageable. And eventually, all of these doctor check ups and visits, become spaced far enough apart that the rest of our life feels relatively normal. When we aren't shlepping over the George Washington Bridge to go to the hospital, life with our son is a joy. Joy in the sense of living with a very opinionated toddler...but joy nonetheless.

Yes, he takes medication every day. A LOT of kids do that. In some ways, he looks a little different than other kids. So what? It's the differences that make us interesting.

Do I sometimes think about what our life would have been like if Jordan had been born "normal?" Yes. Do I sometimes feel angry that it wasn't supposed to turn out like this? Yes.

But almost in the same stream of thought, I picture Jordan for who he is...whatever nonsense he created that morning...whatever mischievousness he was involved in, whatever ridiculously silly thing he did or said...and I feel so damn happy.

Nothing else matters.

Nothing.

I don't care how many doctor visits we will have to endure in the future, how many times we will have to hold him down for blood draws, how many cathode stickers we will rip off his chest, how many medications we will have to experiment with..how many tears we will have to wipe away.

It's all been worth it. He's alive. He's ours. And he is such a joy it almost hurts.



Yes, they are.

S

ps - thanks jschumacher, for the Columbia photo.

Labels: clinic, Jordan, transplant

When Jordan was Mina's age, things were different. He had my undivided attention. Multiply his only child status by the drama we went through after he was born, and you can begin to understand how different parenting him was.

When Mina arrived on the scene, it became necessary to divide my focus between the two of them. I didn't like it. The constant pressure to be in two places at once became apparent immediately. And it felt like they both needed me right away and all the time. They were both so young. They were both so little. They both urgently needed feeding, or changing, or bathing, or napping, or meds, or a rash to deal with, or an appointment with the pediatrician, or the dermatologist, or a clinic visit to prepare for. When one slept, the other was awake. When one cried, the other might chime in or laugh at the sound of it. One needed sleep every two hours, then three naps, then two..till finally I got them on the same schedule.

They are still little. They still need three meals and two snacks a day. They still both need frequent diaper changes. They still compete for attention, which leaves me feeling conflicted. Sometimes, I feel genuinely remorseful that Mina never got the kind of one-on-one constant attention that her brother got when he was her age. With him, I sweated every detail. With her, I'm more willing to make do with what's on hand. Jordan had us all to himself every minute of the day, each and every day. Mina doesn't get that. With Jordan, I felt hopelessly inadequate as a parent because I had no idea how to care for a heart transplant baby. That first year...that's what he was to me. Yes, he was my baby..but he was also the fragile, "post-operative heart transplant patient." Once I realized he wasn't going to break, I relaxed. I came to appreciate that I was doing the best I could for him, and he was turning out pretty good.

My feeling of inadequacy continues unabated though with Mina because I know it's possible to do more, be more, spend more time with her..but there aren't enough hours in the day to do everything I want to do with her. I try. But it never feels like it's enough. When she hits a milestone like walking on her own, feeding herself, or saying words, I cheer..but I pause too. Wasn't I cheering a bit harder when Jordan did all those things?

The trade off is that Mina benefits from me being a more experienced and hence, a more relaxed parent. I may not sterilize every spoon the second it hits the floor for her, but I know when it makes a difference. I know when to hold her tighter and when to let her explore on her own. I don't love her any less than I love Jordan. I love her more efficiently. As pulled apart as I sometimes feel, I suspect it's harder for parents who both have to work outside the home. Juggling the home/work/child care demands all the time every day must really leave one feeling pulled in a thousand directions. Efficient love takes on a whole new meaning in that situation.

One of the things I am most looking forward to with Jordan in school is the opportunity to spend more time alone with Mina. Just the two of us. Doing the kinds of things I used to do with Jordan solo - taking classes, spending time in the park, reading endless numbers of books curled up on the couch. It doesn't sound like much. It's actually quite a lot.

Labels: reflection

One small step for man...



One giant leap forward for the monkey.

This morning, we escorted Little Monkey to his preschool orientation. The anticipation level at our house was at critical mass. I couldn't wait to get going already. Monkey acted nonchalant, but I could tell he was pretty excited too. But no one's going anywhere without a good breakfast. In our case...breakfast round two. After polishing off dada's famous french toast, Monkey made a special request for mom's idea of breakfast. Kix! Kid tested. Mother approved. And fast too. Wind up airplane sold separately.



Monkey, Dada and I arrived at school and ventured into his classroom. There we played scavenger hunt with our map, and discovered all the exciting learning stations in the room. Monkey lingered for a long time at the wooden toy garage, water fountain, and pencil sharpener. I'm not sure what to make of that.



Many great men have walked these sage green halls, Little Monkey...with backpacks just like yours.

The school-issued backpacks are about as big as the monkey. Toting this around in the morning will take some getting used to, I imagine. But we're game. The less I have to carry in the diaper bag, the better.



Of course, no orientation is complete without staking a claim to your watering pail for the tiny seeds garden. Here Monkey selects carefully.



And of course, school attendance can be safely assured if there is a big plate of cookies, juice and milk for consumption. Monkey samples these as well.



And again...



After careful thought, he declared his first day at school...the whole hour of it..to be "fun day at school." Yeah..what's not to like, kid? Toys, crayons, music, playground, cookies, and apple juice? Sign me up.

Labels: Jordan, milestones, school

This year, the end of the summer has a noticeable feel to it. Maybe it's because Little Monkey is starting preschool next week. Tomorrow is orientation, and both Monkey Sr. and I will be escorting J to the big event.



This major milestone inspired all kinds of frenzied activity on my part today. First, on my list of things to do - clean and put away the baby pool that has been staring at me, balefully, from its perch on my deck. Earlier this week, I deflated it and emptied out the last lingering pools of water stored within its folds. Today, I tackled the cleaning part. I have no idea what the right way to clean this monstrosity. As you can see from the pic, the air still hasn't come out of the thing. Clearly, I was doing something wrong. But the Windex was the right move, I was sure. That blue stuff works miracles.

Miss Mina decided to waddle over and help. By help, I mean, climb up on the bench next to me and proceed to try and throw herself over the edge. She kept an eye on me. I kept an eye on her. And in this spirit of mutual admiration, nothing got accomplished. The pool is still sitting on the deck, albeit, sort of wiped down.







Next...laundry. Another monkey tried to make himself useful by sprawling out on the freshly washed sheets and linens. The other three loads are hidden out of his view because I wanted to keep them marginally clean before I folded them and put them away.



The demonic smile dispels any notion of the purity of his motives.



All this hard work might work up an appetite in mere mortals. I had no illusions about my own brood, but I set out something for them anyway. Sandwich, grapes, and "rainbow pears" for the monkey.





Something similar for Miss Mina, supersized.

More play ensued. This particular game, we call "Have a tea party." It consists of filling up an old refrigerator bin with water, toy dinnerware, and letting the monkeys loose on the deck. Sometimes they play nice.



Except when they don't ... which is most of the time.



The last activity of the evening...pack Monkey's "Big Ziplock bag" of things he will need tomorrow at orientation. The list we got would be kind of funny, except that it's cute because we're parents and this is our first experience sending a kid to school. So, with all earnestness, I scoured the aisles of the supermarket to find exactly the right "Big Ziplock Bag." I searched monkey's closet for the right long sleeve shirt, pants, socks, and "underwear." I dutifully printed his name on all the labels inside. Per instructions, I collected fifteen pictures for use during "Star of the week." I packed the diapers, wipes, and Desitin. No wonder we needed the Big Bag. I took a picture because the whole exercise thrilled me to no end.

He's really going to school.

Labels: milestones, summer, two monkeys

Today we brought the monkeys to the Bronx zoo again. I'm pleased to say, we are definitely taking advantage of our membership there. This time, we focused on a few exhibits, some free time to run around, and of course, lunch.

We rode the monorail..where a nice couple in the background smiled obligingly for the camera.



In return, Monkey sr. made his best gorilla faces at them.



The biggest hit of today's adventure was our visit to the Butterfly Garden. There, both monkeys got a chance to interact up close with the fluttery little jewels flying just out of reach.











At least, we tried to keep them out of reach. Of Mina, that is. Grabby little thing.





Some of them tried to hitch a ride back home.



But I think they'd probably be better off right where they are. Our personal zoo is pretty crowded these days.



Little Monkey was in rare form today. His interaction with the butterflies was almost...and I'm practically scared to use this word...angelic. He watched them flutter around, smiling all the while. He pointed to different ones, and exclaimed, "Look at the pretty butterfly!" When I warned him not to touch any, because they might get hurt, he looked at me with a face full of concern, and actually followed the instructions.

Unheard of.

Whose kid is this??

Of course, as we announced that it was TIME TO LEAVE, the monkey we know and love (and fear), returned in all his raging glory. However, that brief moment of tranquility was worth the price of zoo membership, I assure you.

Labels: adventures, summer, two monkeys

And life was good again. Yay! The rain has finally ended.



Mina enjoys the sunshine on her face.



I always get sucked into watching these movies on tv after the monkeys go to bed. Not that there is ever anything on..but you know. Inevitably, I'll catch something, a movie in the middle of itself, that hooks me and forces me to watch. Tonight, I channel surfed and stumbled on Fatal Attraction. When this movie first came out, I was too young to really get it. Of course now that I'm ancient, with two kids, the movie resonates in an enitirely different way. But, I'm digressing.

I never really appreciated all the metro New York backdrops present throughout. It was kind of fun playing the "where was that shot?" game. Other movie favorites of mine where New York plays a supporting role are:


Saturday Night Fever - Bay Ridge, Brooklyn. Ahh..the old stomping grounds.

When Harry Met Sally - pretty Central Park!

Breakfast at Tiffany's - pretty sparkly jewelry store.

Working Girl - oh the shame of outer borough big hair.

On a different note...

File this episode under the growing list of monkey witticisms.

This afternoon, as I was forced to change yet another of Little Monkey's shite filled diapers, I decided to try a new tactic in my arsenal of potty training methodology. Rather than the usual encouragement and reward system for sitting on the mini crapper, I switched gears and attempted to shame the hell out of him. What the hey, right? At least it's something to break the monotony of the day. He showed me though. This is one kid with an overdeveloped sense of self worth.

Me: Ohmigod...whew! That is the stinkiest diaper I have ever smelled. Whoo! That is sooo disgusting! I can't believe one kid can produce such a stink!!

Monkey laughs demonically.

I continued, undeterred.

Me: Wow. I think that has got to be the most disgusting stinky diaper you have ever, ever had. Eww! It's so gross!! Whew...we better open some windows! That diaper really, really smells!

Monkey: Just like flowers!!!



I need a vacation.

Labels: toddlerisms

Yes, it really has been ten days since I last posted. You could say I was getting as lax as some of the so-called bloggers I have linked on the blogroll to the left.

As August winds down, I thought I'd do an update on what we've been up to. This week's been a little exhausting, as I've been caring for the monkeys mostly on my own. To all the poor mommies/daddies out there raising multiple kids close in age without any help, I salute you. You are a better human being than I am. Our au pair's been on vacation for two+ weeks, and I feel like I've aged ten years.

We've had our share of fevers, colds, sore throats, never-ending rain, and too many hours indoors. In between the tantrums and the monotony we've been up to the following...

We've gone from this ...



to this...



This week has marked the beginning of Miss Mina's journey as a bi-ped. She's been consistently taking steps on her own from one point to another. She still has a tendency to crawl when she wants to get somewhere fast, and she still lands with a big thump on her tush when she does walk, but she seems to be making that move to the walking state of mind.

She's also shaved several years off my life by crawling on her own up our very steep flight of stairs, by herself, when I was busy cooking dinner. I thought she was safely under the care of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, and I thought the safety gate was up. I was wrong on both counts.

The only thing that clued me into the possibility that something was amiss, was the sound of baby silence in the living room. I went to investigate - No Mina. Jordan was calmly lounging on the couch; and Oscar looked slightly frantic, but someone was missing.

I raced around the corner to the stairs and looked up. There she was - Queen of the Mountain. Not only had she climbed all the way up the very steep stairs, but she had also managed to open the safety gate at the TOP of the stairs and crossed that threshold. She sat there looking at me with a huge grin of triumph on her chubby little face.



I don't know about this whole increased mobility thing. I almost prefer seeing her lounging around like this. At least I always know where she is.

In other news, some of you may have heard about this really awesome soccer game that came to our neck of the woods starring none other than Becks himself. Guess who had front row seats to the game? No, not me. I was home watching the kids. Monkey, Sr! He had my blessing to enjoy a well-earned night out with the boys, on one condition. He had to take some decent pictures of David Beckham. My exact words were, "Don't bother coming home unless you have some decent pictures of Becks."

This is what he came home with.



Yeah. For anyone who cares, that's Tom Arnold - Rosannne Barr's ex-husband. As you can see, Monkey Sr.'s sense of humor has been the secret to our long and sort of healthy relationship.



He actually did kind of try to take a Becks shot. This sad, blurry thing is the best he could come up with. He claims he needs a new camera. This line reminds me of the bit my dad used to pull whenever my mom asked him to do something - like make coffee or fix breakfast. Inevitably, the job was botched so badly (burnt coffee, pots destroyed) that she never again asked him to do anything again.



Next week, Little Monkey has orientation for pre-school! Can you believe we've reached the stage where school starting marks the arrival of an official end-of-season?? I can't believe he's going to be in school. He's still the same picky little monkey/tyrant he's always been, but now he'll be in school three days a week!

(yay!)

Labels: mina; mina milestones, summer, two monkeys

We've lived in the NJ for over two years now; and I love our house. I've grown to love the area, it's quirky little eccentricities, the many features that make it a great place to raise a family. We sort of wound up here without a lot of foresight, but somehow it turned out ok. Better than ok. It's been wonderful.

Yet, a part of me will always think of Brooklyn as home. Once upon a time, it was our home; and had things turned out differently, it might have remained so. These days, when we get a chance to visit, it's always a special treat.

Like this weekend - we got to celebrate at the annual Gotham Ave. block party. It was a wet and wild good time.



There were sprinklers - with a distinctively Brooklyn touch - hooked up to the fire hydrants for the occasion.



We had the old school lawn chairs set up, where Beenie showed off her tankini. The weather was perfect, the food was great. We basked in the warm glow of neighborhood good will. And then...it turned all Crooklyn on us.



The monkey revealed he was packin' heat.



He was a little too curious about the watergun for my comfort level. I tried to be chill about it. After all, it's just a water gun...jeesh. Once upon a time, kids played with water guns, pretend guns, the whole "cowboys & Indian" thing, right?



But then Beenie got in on the act. Argh.



I didn't know whether to laugh or cringe.

Labels: adventures, summer

Nope. The week continues. We've been up to our usual hectic mess of activities since I last posted. Thankfully, the water situation was resolved earlier, so we can go back to running the faucet all the time and splashing about in the big bathtub.

In perhaps my most random of posts, here's STUFF.



A belated happy birthday shout out to our buddy Julia. As you can see from the candle, she just turned one! Woo-hoo!



She handles the whole ageing thing with characteristic grace. I had a similar reaction at my own birthday this year when I realized how old I was. Don't ask the number. Let's just say I needed a few more candles.



To celebrate the occasion, Monkey donned his favorite Henry Fonda/On Golden Pond summer hat and striped polo shirt.



Parties make the monkeys pretty giddy. Apparently I don't take them out for enough stimulation.



There was some serious kiddie entertainment.



Lots of food...



And all our favorite people.



The kids had a blast. Can't you tell? Look how nicely they are all playing with one another. And yes, this counts as playing nicely. No tears, no time outs, no bashing one another over the head with plastic toys. Hence - legitimately acceptable social interaction in my book.



Apart from birthdays..we had the usual mundane tasks to finish. The usual Costco shopping, albeit within the safe confines of two shopping carts. Those days when we could sit them side by side are over. See above.



We got some beach time in.



Impressed the ladies with our manly physique.



Had our share of attitudes.







As well as our share of cute sibling moments that did not involve pain.



Which is why it's been a pretty busy week, and I for one, am ready for a long nap too. For those of you counting, yes, there are three stuffed animals in this child's crib.

Sigh.

Labels: adventures, summer, two monkeys

The weekend began with a tremendous thunder and lightning display that rocked the little monkey straight out of bed. It scared him enough in the process, that we were forced to stay up with him for a dangerously indulgent amount of time, while we soothed him with milk and cuddles on the rocking chair, and memorized renditions of "Goodnight Moon."

Eventually, he went back to sleep. We thought that would be the big drama of the weekend. We were wrong, as usual.

The next morning, we awoke to discover that the entire county was under a "BOIL WATER!!" alert. Translation - don't drink the tap water without boiling it. Don't use it to brush your teeth, wash your hands, or cook with ... unless, that's right - you boil it first. Apparently, the water treatment plant in the area was hit by lightning during the night, damaging equipment in the process. Some people had no water at all. Luckily, we avoided that problem, and were left with only the minor inconvenience of the tap water thing.

I never realized how often I use tap water. From washing my hands a thousand times a day, to rinsing off the neverending supply of fruit that Miss Mina demands at every meal time, to wiping down counters, filling Oscar's bowl, to cleaning messy faces after meals.. Tap water plays a big role in our lives.

Because they are such dirty little monkeys.



Although the advisory said it was safe to shower, I suspected the powers-that-be assumed that no one is drinking the shower water. Noone except my monkeys, that is. No shower or straight up bath water for them, unfortunately. Too much of it ends up in their mouths for my comfort. Add to that a immunosuppressed monkey, and my paranoia radar was in full effect.

So we did the bathing the old fashioned way.



In the sink..



With a BIG pot of boiled (and cooled) water and soup ladle. Lovely, right?

Labels: summer, town stuff, two monkeys