Wednesday, November 05, 2008

November 5th

People like pictures. I do too. All those words get to be too much unless you have some pictures laced in with the commentary. I've put these pictures of Jordan up today because they provide a glimpse into the life he's had this year.

These pictures would not have existed without the gift of one special girl. She gave Jordan another chance at life. Today would have been her fourth birthday.

Those of you reading this blog will know that today was Breanna Maree's birthday. For those of you who've found your way here, this is the day I honor her memory on this site. It's a chance for me to reflect on what transpired after Jordan was born, and the amazing grace shown by Breanna's mother, Nikki, when she agreed to donate her daughter's heart to our son.

When our son needed help, she did it. Without a second thought. And that's why I remember Breanna, today, especially. Her heart continues to beat in Jordan as he grows older. This past year has been filled with memories for me. Hugs he's given me, smiles at the sight of something new, a growing sense of his own independence, and the sheer joy that comes with being an almost-four year old.

He's my life, my heart, my soul. And he would not be here today without you, Breanna. He would not be here in our lives, - smiling that mischievous grin, writing his name on his artwork, hugging his sister, holding my hand, or telling me he loves me. I know, not a day goes by that your family doesn't wish they could have you back. I know that. If things were right with the world, no baby should suffer for anything. I think about that too. Why did one child suffer pain and another live? I will always think that. Even in the midst of sheer joy ... when I see Jordan, I think of you.

We'll never know what you might have accomplished had you survived. That knowledge pains me forever. It is the discordant note that will always cloud my vision. But I do know what you were able to accomplish in the short time you had. And for that, I will be eternally grateful.

Rest in peace, baby girl.
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